


New Moon Alternate Ending

by PipperHearts



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Ending, Bella is pissed, Book: New Moon, Canon Rewrite, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25930459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PipperHearts/pseuds/PipperHearts
Summary: Bella is pissed at the Cullens for leaving her after her birthday.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 65





	1. Flight

**Author's Note:**

> Because of Midnight Sun I started rereading the Twilight Saga and I have some opinions about the ending of New Moon. This Rewrite of the last chapters of the book are the result of those opinions.

Edward led me towards a dark car, waiting in a pool of shadow to the right of the gate with the engine running. To my surprise, he slid into the back seat with me, instead of insisting on driving. I felt awful, with the stress I’ve felt for the last God knows how many hours and my panic attack in the Vulturi’s reception, my body felt like it could give out at any moment but my mind was still going a thousand miles per hour. Part of me felt relieved that Edward was still alive and that the three of us were on our way back to Forks, but now, the hole that Edward had left in my chest when he left—which after months was finally started to feel like a numbed ache—was tearing it self open again because I knew what would happen the moment I was back home with Charlie, so when Edward put his arm around me trying to pull me onto him I moved further away from him, pressing myself to the door looking out the window through the duration of the trip to the Airport.

Once we arrived, we followed Alice to the counters of the airline she had called while we were still in Volterra to print our boarding passes before going through TSA. We still had some time before boarding and after feeling the pain in my stomach signaling its emptiness, Edward asked me if I wanted to buy something to eat, obviously I didn’t have any money for we had left the States in a hurry so I had to depend on their credit cards.

“Yeah, Alice can you come with me to buy something?” I asked turning to face her. In all honesty, now after the excitement and worry had worn off I could feel again that both of their abandonments had hurt me but one was more painful than the other so I chose her to accompany me.

“Of course” said Alice obviously unsure of my attitude but said nothing about it, we got up from our seats in the gate we were supposed to board and walked after me looking for a place to buy food.

* * *

A part of me wished we had gotten seats away from each other but I didn’t had that luck, and because Alice had chosen First Class that meant that Edward and I shared a road while she was in the one behind us. I had taken the window seat, meaning I could press myself against the sides of the plane so that I didn’t accidentally leaned on Edward.

After a while, the stewardess came by asking if we wanted anything to drink, Edward obviously refused but I asked for a Coke. He knew I had low tolerance for caffeine so when I answered the woman he shot me a disapproving look, voicing his opinion once we were alone.

“You should sleep, you’re probably tired” and I was, I haven’t been this tired since the days after I woke up in the hospital in Phoenix after what happened with James, but I couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes, I was afraid, as much as I was expecting him and Alice to vanish from my life after they made sure I was safe and sound at my place, I still didn’t want this fleeting moments to end.

At that moment I remembered the conversation Edward and I had that day in the meadow, I was the stupid lamb and he had called himself the masochistic lion but at that time, I was both. Both because I was dumb enough that even if it was a small part of me, I still thought he could be back into my life, and masochistic because even though the bigger more reasonable part of me knew that that wouldn't happen, I still craved his company, I still wanted to experience this hours consciously by his side.

“I can’t, not right know,” I answered “I don’t want the nightmares.” After that, he dropped the issue.

From my peripheral view I could see he would look at me every once in a while with words in his mouth that would not come out unless I asked the questions. Doubts I, in fact, wanted to address but things I could bring myself to touch on at the moment for I wasn’t sure where to star or if I was in the right headspace to do so, at that moment I just wanted to pretend, act like everything was ok, like the void where my hear used to lived months ago was not bleeding again.

At some point I heard Alice quietly talking to Jasper on the phone and I listened the love that irradiated from her voice while assuring her mate everything had turned out fine, that she couldn’t wait to be back with him before saying her goodbyes; with that I wondered if maybe there had been a future were Edward and I could have had that before I started to feel burning droplets in my eyes.

I saw Edwards hand rushing to dry my tears but I couldn’t let myself feel his could touch again because I knew that every time we came in contact it mean that the departure would be more painful.

“Sorry,” I said getting up trying to move past him as quickly as I could manage with my uncoordinated body and my vision impaired thanks to the tears, “I need to use the restroom.” I continued before he moved to let me pass.

The little room in the front of the plane was occupied so I walked to the back, thankful that I had an excuse to take a little more time to come back. I locked myself once inside and looked at my reflection the moment the lights turned on. I looked awful, my eyes were bloodshot and tired but beyond the dark circles and matted hair I could see that the emptiness that had made its home in my eyes had been replaced by the pain of the inevitable.

I tried as best as I could to keep the tears from falling recalling all those months I had spentliving in a zombie-like state, I knew I was able to keep pretending everything was ok fore a couple more hours, I _had_ to. With that I slashed my face with could water and brushed the mess that was my hair with my fingers as best as I could before coming out of the little lavatory before going back to my seat.

“Bella…” said Edward with worry in his voice.

“I’m fine.” I interrupted him, resting my head against the wall of the plane and returning to look through the window for the last couple of hours before the plane landed for our stop in Atlanta.

* * *

Although I wasn’t really hungry because I had eaten the food they served on the plane, I knew that waiting for our next flight sitting would help the anxiety that was already creeping its way through my body to completely overcome me, so I decided to buy something to snack on as well as an iced coffee so that I could stay awake the next seven hours till I got to my bed. By the time Alice and I retuned to our gate with my coffee and a muffin, Edward had decided to drop the caffeine issue.

After five more hours of sitting in silence we finally arrived at Sea-Tac, quickly making our way pass the gates to where people were waiting for other passengers, thanks to our lack of luggage.

I wasn’t surprised to see the Cullens waiting like the rest of the humans but I once again felt the void tugging inside of me. I knew that the more I saw of them the more it would hurt to say goodbye again. Jasper was the first one to walk toward us, in the direction of Alice’s arms, relief washing all over his face the moment his eyes met hers. When we were close enough Esme reached for me, hugging me fiercely, me not being able to return the sentiment I just stood there with her cold arms around me, trying not to come undone in the middle of the airport.

For the short amount of time I had spent with the Cullens, Esme had always made me feel welcomed in a more intimate way than just her son’s girlfriend, she treated me like another daughter and I immediately started seeing her as a second mother but I couldn’t let myself think about that at the moment, not when all I wanted was to get home a pretend that the past couple of days didn’t happen.

“Thank you so much,” she said in my ear.

“No problem,” I answered emotionless before she let go of me.

“You will never put me through that again” said Esme facing her son before wrapping her arms around him.

“Sorry, Mom.” Apologized Edward hugging his mother back.

“Thank you, Bella,” I heard Carlisle’s voice say while he put his hand on my shoulder. "We owe you.” He continued before I just nodded.

The next moments passed in a haze, while Jasper and Alice ride with Carlisle and Esme back to Forks, Edward and I got into Rosalie’s car with her driving and Emmett by her side. At the time, sleep was starting to win against my will to stay awake so I was vaguely aware of Rosalie apologizing to Edward first and then me before my eyelids were too heavy to keep them open.


	2. The Truth

I had the sense that I’d been asleep for a very long period—my body’s stiff, like I hadn’t moved once through all that time, either. My mind was dazed and slow; strange, colorful dreams—dreams and nightmares—swirled dizzily around the inside of my head. I felt like I was hit by a car but I guess that was expected after jumping from the cliff. Still in my bed without opening my eyes, I tried remembering the last things I could recall clearly, yeah, the jumping was the last thing; but the dreams had been so vivid, in my memory I saw Alice in my living room, us flying to Italy to rescue Edward in a sea of red cloaks; I guess ocean water really does things to your brain.

“Are you awake?” A familiar voice called, scarring the rest of my grogginess away and making me open my eyes, I sat on the middle of my bed and tried to focus my sight on the darkest corner of my room where I swore had seen someone. “I guess that’s a yes.” He continued.

But this voice wasn’t like the visions I had had thanks to the adrenaline rush, no, those pale in comparison to this exact copy of Edward’s voice. I turned on the little lamp I had on my bedside table and there he was, never had I thought my mind was capable of recreating such perfection but his image was here right in front of me.

“This is it, I finally lost it…” I said realizing what had happened. “I must have hit my head really bad when I fell.”

“What are you talking about?” The apparition asked.

“Maybe it was the water…” I continued thinking on what had transpired, still not ready to acknowledge the product of my now sick imagination.

“Bella, you are not making any sense.” He said taking a step towards me.

My first instinct was to press myself to the headboard, trying to put as much distance as posible between him and I but as the first shock passed I finally saw him. One thing was recreating the voice, but all him? My mind wasn’t that good, soon the next scenario hit me like a bag of rocks.

“Fuck, I’m dead, right?” I asked him. “Oh God, no, What did I do?! This must have been horrible for Charlie.” I continued without letting him answer, feeling hot tears starting to come out of my eyes.

“Bella,” said the thing that resembled Edward interrupting my thoughts, cupping my face in his hands before wiping the drops that moved down my cheeks with his thumbs. “You aren’t dead, what are you even talking about?”He finished with an amused laugh at the end.

“Of course I’m dead, I remember it, I jumped off the cliff and the waves were really violent, I couldn’t swim because of their movement so I drowned.” I said unceremoniously looking at nothing while recalling the scene in my mind. “Thats why you’re here,” I continued looking him the eyes, “well not you, _you_ , obviously, but whatever you are that took his image. It’s a very good replica I must add.”

“Bella, do you need to sleep some more?” He asked confused.

“Why would I need to sleep more? I’m dead.” I answered him like he was stupid for offering such useless option. “Oh God… What’s gonna happen with Charlie? With Mom? With Jake?! I’m a terrible daughter!” I said getting out of my bed and taking a few steps in the small open space of my bedroom.

I turned to face him, he had an amused expression on his perfect face. “Wait” I said with a new train of thought in my mind. “Isn’t suicide consider a sin?”

“Yes. Why?” He answered me not following me.

“Then why are you here? Am I not supposed to be in Hell then? Or was it considered an accident?” He laughed then.

“Bella, do you think I’d be in Heaven?”

“Well… yeah… I mean, It’s not like I could think of anything better.” My answer made him sigh with exasperation before approaching me and wrapping his arms around me.

“Bella, for the last time, you are not dead.” He said in the sincerest voice I’d ever heard.

Was it possible? Was he really here? I walked to sit on by bed trying to recall as much details I could after the fall, but before I could reach my destination I tripped with my own feet.

“I guess you’re right, why would I keep tripping with my own feet if I’m already dead?” He laughed again.

“ _That_ is what made you realize you are not dead?” He asked amused, to which I just shrugged.

“I… I think I remember now… Jake pulled me out of the water and then he took me home and then… Alice…” He just waited patiently for me as I pulled my memories from wherever they had been hiding. “Did all of that really happen, then? Italy?”

“Yes.” He said sitting next to me pulling me onto his lap.

“I remember we landed in Sea-Tac, what happened then?” I asked with confusion still clear on my voice.

  
“You fell asleep in the ride here from the Airport, I carried you to your room and then your dad kicked me out. Do you remember now?” I just nodded before the sound of Charlie snoring on the other room took me out of my stupor.

Oh…

I remembered…

I remembered _everything_.

I turned my face to look at him before pushing myself out of his arms.

“Bella…” He started with pain in his eyes. “I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that, specially with Victoria…”

“Stop.” I interrupted him.

“I’ll leave if that’s what you want but please, Bella, let me finish…”

“No.” I said coldly before he could continue his speech. “Tonight _I’m_ the one talking and you are going to listen. So before I go on please take me somewhere else, I don’t know if I’ll be able to not wake Charlie up.”

“Maybe right now isn’t the time…”

“No, Edward, right now _is_ exactly the right time. For once do as I say and not what you think it’s best because _clearly_ you are not always right.” I could see that the implications behind my words were feeding his guilt.

If I was a better—or stupid—person maybe I’d want to free him from the obligation he had to me that caused him so much pain, but I wasn’t, and I wanted him to listen to what I had to say, to listen to the things I had to go through. And if he was going to leave again then this time I was speaking my mind.

With my resolution clear on my face I put on a coat and shoes before turning back to him expectantly. He nodded and signaled to the window.

“Just jump, I’ll catch you.” He indicated me before falling to the ground first. “Is there somewhere you want to go?” He asked before carrying me on his back once we were both on the ground.

“Just some place where we can talk without being listened” He nodded and started running through the woods stoping in a small clearing before putting me down and facing me again.

“How could you? Who do you think you are?!” I started not letting him to say anything. “Do you have any idea what you did to me?! No, you don’t, _that’s_ the answer.

“You act like you want to be the bigger person, trying to take responsibility from things you shouldn’t but ignoring the stuff you should actually answer for! You always said you did the things you did, you acted the way you did for my benefit but you NEVER, not once, actually listened to me! You acted like you new better without taking _me_ into consideration! But the worst thing is that it was also my fault, because I was just rolling with it, because I let you take every fucking decision!

“With James, right after the first encounter you only listened to me when Alice and Emmett gave their opinion, you followed my plan because you trusted Alice not because you trusted _me_!

“Then, on my birthday, what happened wasn’t your fault, it was and accident! Granted, a really dangerous accident but still a fucking accident! That’s why I wasn’t mad at Jasper—nor you as a matter of fact—afterwards, but you acted like you had cut me on purpose! Yes, throwing me against a glass table wasn’t you most brilliant moment but I get it, you panicked. And then you said that if I wasn’t with you I shouldn’t have to worry about things so usually inconsequential as a fucking paper cut! That that’s why I should be with someone like me, human; but what are the options, let's actually think about them for a moment, Mike? Someone like him? He’s a fucking asshole and you literally know that better than I, you’ve read his mind. Do you really think he’s better than you? And don’t try to be humble, it doesn’t suit you.

“You always told me I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, but I did! Do you really think that I didn’t know, even the first time I went to your house or before that, when we where alone in the meadow, that I had no idea any of you could kill me faster than I could blink?! Of course I knew! But you only asked _how_ could I be ok with that, not _why_.

“Look at it from my perspective for a minute. Before I came to Forks I was never able to feel my age, I started taking care of my household very young because Renee didn’t do it, I don’t want to blame her but both of us new she wasn’t fit to be a mother and even though she never said it out loud, part of me always thought she regretted having me, I don’t doubt she loves me but I’ve continuously felt like that love was more of a friend than a mother and maybe that’s why—plus the fact that I was taking care of adult things—I never had friends growing up. That’s probably the reason I just let you and your family take all the decisions, because for once I just wanted to be taken care of.

“For a long time it was just she and I but then Phil entered the picture, he’s a great guy and loves my mother, but by that time I was already in my late teens and my only friend didn’t have time for me anymore because she was in the honeymoon phase so to escape the pain that caused me—something I didn’t want to acknowledge at the moment—I came to Forks thinking it would be easier to be here than to feel so out of place in my own home.

“And then I met you, at first I was weirded out but when you started to actually talk to me, I liked you because unlike every other person in this town you actually listened to me, like you really wanted to get to know me, something I have never experienced. In Phoenix I was invisible and I was OK with that, but here, I started to loath going to school everyday because I could feel everybody looking at me, trying to talk to me, not cause they cared about me but due to liking the _idea_ of me, after all I was a novelty in a small town, I’m sure you know all of this, being able to read their minds.

“Then everything else happened and for some reason you started liking me and we started dating and I believed you, because I _wanted_ to believe you, I wanted you to love me back the way you only read on old novels. I loved the way you worried about me because you really made me feel special, worthy of being looked after. Even then I knew I was foolish to believe you and you proved my suspicions right when you said you didn’t want me the day you left me…” I thought that after months of pretending I would be able to keep a straight face, to finish what I wanted to say without breaking down but at that moment I wrapped my arms around myself trying to stop the feeling of getting ripped apart again, our last conversation rushed to my mind and so the tears started running down involuntary burning my eyes as they came out, leaving me speechless for a moment, something he took as an opportunity to speak.

“Bella, I know that there’s nothing I can say to express how sorry I am, but please believe that every time I said I loved you I was being honest, I still love you Bella, that’s why I went to Volterra when I thought I had taken your life, I couldn’t live without you so I chose to do the same.” He walked up to me, pulling me to him but I refused, I pushed him away while drying my own tears with the sleeves of my coat.

“Stop! Just stop with the lies, I get that you feel guilty over what happen but what are you trying to accomplish with this! I don’t want your pity…”

“Bella, of course I feel guilty over the pain I caused you,” he interrupted, "in trying to protect you I hurt you more than anyone else could, but I’m not lying, I love you and if you want me I’ll stay by you side.”

“Yeah right, you said it yourself, you don’t want me, but do you wanna know the worst part? _I still want you!_ This pathetic human being is still in love with the monster everyone tried to warned her against!”

“Please, Bella, look at me. That day, when I… When I abandoned you, I was lying, I wanted you to move on, to forget about me so I had to make you believe _I_ was moving on but I never imagined you would believe me so easily, after all the times I said I loved you, it only took one sentence to make you accept the lie, it still hurts when I think how easily you accepted it.”

“HOW COULD I NOT, EDWARD?! Look at me and put yourself in my shoes! The only things that are not average about me are that apparently I smell particularly good to vampires and you can’t read my mind, aside from that, what do I have that could make you want me?!”

“I can see it in you eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn’t want you anymore and it’s killing me. The most absurd, ridiculous concept—as if there were any way that _I_ could exist without needing _you_! But,” he said taking my hands in his “Isabella Marie Swan, if you find in your heart to give me another chance, knowing full well I don’t deserve it, I’ll do anything to prove you what you mean to me, please.”

“I… I don’t know… I don’t want to hurt again… What if you leave once more?” I could hear the panic in my voice, fearing that I wouldn’t be able to survive a second time, recalling the way I clawed my self out my misery barely making it out.

“Never! Not as long as you want me by your side, I thought that I would be the only one with a black void where my heart was supposed to be, I thought you could forget about me easily after the way I hurt you but now I see I was wrong.” I finally looked at him in the eyes while thinking on what to do.

“Edward, I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t want to give you a second chance, but I need time…”

“As long as you need.”

  
“Please stop interrupting me.” I continued putting my hand up. “I think I need a couple of days on my own to process this, and besides, now I need to deal with whatever punishment Charlie will give me.” He nodded before kissing my hand. “But you need to promise me something.”

“Anything”

“We need to work on communication.” He gave a small smile before agreeing. “Now, I think you should take me back home.”

“Of course.” he said before carrying me this time close to his chest and running back the way we came.


	3. Vote

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No Cullen is safe from Bella's Wrath.
> 
> Well, maybe Emmett.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexa, play After Laughter.

A couple of weeks passed by and in that period I had only seen Edward and Alice at school, he had been with me in most of my clases at the beginning of the year but told me he’d change so that I could have as much time away from them as I wanted. At lunch they sat together while I was back with Jessica and company. After the first days back I saw Alice trying to approach me on my way to my truck but Edward stoped her, the next days she would always look at me like she wanted to say something but didn’t left her bother’s side. That made me realized that Edward was not the only one I had to talk to, Alice had left me too.

Even though I had already said to Edward I still loved him when we talked in the woods I was still not sure of my decision, I was too scared of being hurt like that again, afraid to have my world turned around without my consent, but I still wanted him and I still longed for the sense of belonging I had felt with the rest of the family before my failed birthday party.

Finally, after three days of exceptionally bright sun, one look out the window and I knew the Cullens wouldn’t have to skip class again, so that Friday morning while brushing my hair I looked at myself in the mirror sure of what I had to do.

I was planning on getting to school earlier so that I could wait for Edward in the parking lot, therefore I packed my breakfast and got out the door. Alice had probably seen me taking a decision, for that reason it shouldn’t have surprised me to see Edward waiting in his car in the space Charlie had vacated a couple of minutes ago. He got out and walked to meet me while I locked the door.

“Hi.” I simply offered.

“Hello.” He said looking like he wanted to hug me but accepting my need for space. “Alice told me you wanted to say something, she didn’t said what, just to come for you.”

“Yeah. Although I’m pretty capable of driving myself to school.”

  
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have listen to her.” He looked away unsure of how to procede. “I can just meet you there…”

“It’s fine,” I shrugged before walking to his car. Part of me was still unsure on how to tackle the issue so I just continued talking when he drove away. “So, I need to talk to you, _all_ of you.” He briefly looked at me before nodding. “Do you think I can go to your place today after school?”

“Sure, Carlisle’s got the day shift today but I’m sure he’ll be able to go home early.”

“I can wait for another day, I don’t mind.”

“No, I’m sure it’ll be fine, with you out of the hospital I don’t think they’ll have much work.” I just looked at him with a cold look having no intention of laughing. 

“Too soon.” The rest of the ride was in silence, with only the CD he had playing as a background noise.

The school day went on as normal, and when the last class ended I took my time putting my things away before walking to the parking lot to where Edward had parked wondering if Alice would be waiting with him, to my surprise, he was alone. Fortunately Jessica and the rest were gone already when I greeted Edward, I wasn’t ready for any of their comments.

“Carlisle is already home, do you want to go right now or later?” he asked.

“I think is better now, Charlie grounded me and I need to be home before him, besides I don’t think he’ll be very happy with me talking to you again, although he has asked about Alice.” I said matter of factly as I got in his car. I closed the door myself giving him no opportunity to do so for me before putting my seat belt on while he pulled out of the parking lot.

“You know, Alice had been dying to talk to you.”

“I noticed.”

“Are you mad at her too?” I didn’t answer his question and after that, the drive to his house was quiet like the one in the morning.

It didn’t took us to long to get to his house, the path still familiar to me, so when I recognized we were close I realized I hadn’t thought about how was I going to address the topic. _Oh well,_ I thought to myself, _too late to back down now_.

When Edward parked in the driveway, Carlisle and Esme where already waiting for us and this time, Edward knew better that to try to open the car door for me. Before I could reach the stairs to the entrance of the house, Esme was already by my side wrapping her arms around me, once more speaking grateful words for bringing Edward back to her. I just nodded in acknowledgement still not feeling the drive in me to reciprocate the hug. Before Esme let go of me, my eyes caught a glimpse of her husband, who noticed my refusing stance.

“I think we should get inside.” Said Carlisle.

“Of course,” agreed Esme. “The others are already in the living room.”

I followed them inside to where the rest of the Cullens where already waiting. Alice was sitting in the main couch holding hands with Jasper, while Rosalie was standing the furthest from the entrance refusing to look me in the eyes with Emmett by her side who gave me a soft smile.

I was still mad and I knew I would still need some time before things where back to where they were before so at the moment I was more interested in another topic, while with the Vulturi, they had made it clear that I would be needed to be transformed or they would kill me, so I was here to discuss my mortality’s fate. Trying to find my words I took a deep breath, but before I could start, Carlisle beat me to it.

“Bella, I know that Edward has already apologized but we all owe you at least that…”

“Bella, please forgive me,” interrupted Alice appearing in front of me in the blink of an eye, she took my hands before continuing, softly squeezing them. “I knew this was a bad idea, I saw what would happen and I still went along with Edward’s decisions…”

At that I stopped listening, I hadn’t come to the house looking for apologies because I knew what would happen, I didn’t need to have Alice’s visions to know the way I would react, and just as I thought, I started to feel the anxiety creeping upon me.

“You knew…” I took my hands out of hers, she was looking directly into my eyes but I couldn’t focus on anything. It wasn’t a question, of course she knew but for some reason I hadn’t taken that into consideration, I was heartbroken when she left because I thought that she was my friend but I understood because after all, Edward was her brother, but the fact the she had known the way their absence would slowly eat at me until there was nothing left but a shell, infuriated me.

“You knew.” I repeated now looking her in the eyes, feeling the hole in me chest opening again but now, instead of the black drowning goo that had enveloped me the last months, it leaked bright flames looking for something to burn.

“How could you?” I asked, speechless for a moment before a new realization hit me. “And you only came back because you thought I was dead, not because you wanted to see me again, but because the guilt was eating you up!”

“No, Bella, that wasn’t why, I was worried about you and I missed you…”

“Really?” I asked incredulous, “Then why didn’t you contacted me before, you had my email and my phone, you could’ve sent a small message but you didn’t you just went silent.Because the way I see it, even if you didn’t visited, if you where so worried or missed me the way you claim, you would’ve checked on me before, but you waited until you saw me jump to what, at the time, you thought was my death only to pay your respects to Charlie!

“Fuck! I thought you were my friend, Alice! I _really_ thought that! I might not have a lot of experience with friendship but from what I understand, you don’t do that to people you claim as friends! You don’t just leave them behind crying in pain! Specially if, as you claimed, you saw what would happen to me.”

“Bella, I really saw you as my friend is just that Edward said…”

“Fuck that! Fuck what _he_ said, aren’t you your own person?! Alice, never in my life had I felt more alone, I had _no one_ because for obvious reasons I couldn’t talk to anyone! Please, explain to me then, how is it that you and I were friends because I just don’t see it!” I could see in her eyes that my use of the past tense in regards to our friendship took her be surprised but how could she really think that everything was just going to go back to normal. “I’ll forever be grateful of you helping me after Phoenix but friendship is not only being there for the other when they physically need it, I _needed_ you this time again, Alice, more than before and you just weren’t there because apparently you also thought that would be better for me.” I could feel the burning tears running furiously down my cheeks and the flames inside of me starting to go out of control

“I knew we should have left her alone from the start.” Said Rosalie regretful from where she stood.

“How could you say that?!” I snapped at her, letting months of frustration come out at everyone at once. “I know you hate this life because you didn’t choose it, but me being here is _my_ choice so why can’t you respect my decisions the way you’d liked to have yours respected because from where I stand you are no better than Edward, you _think_ you know what would’ve been better for me but you don’t take the time to ask if it even is what I want!”

“Bella, sweetheart…” Esme’s soft voice called as she carefully put his hand on my arm.

“Don’t… Just don’t.” I said not letting her continue and brushing her had off. “Please just stop treating me like a porcelain doll that could break at any moment because guess what, I already did, _every single day_ after you left, I broke every single moment I was awake and _every fucking_ night when I would wake up screaming my lungs out trying to make the nightmares stop. I kept breaking until there was no way of putting my pieces back together!” Feeling the void inside of me stretching one way or another looking for a way out, I involuntarily wrapped my arms around myself trying to contain it.

I felt like I had felt all those months ago, before I managed to burry all the feeling inside of me, and the hole that had been pulling at me from the moment I stepped in the living room finally snapped tearing me in half with it. The tears stoped for a moment when I felt like screaming but not being able to find my voice. I knew Jasper could feel my dispare but what kind of confort could he offer when he had troubles standing in the same room as me.

Suddenly I was aware of something cold around me, at first I thought It was Edward and I was ready to push him away but before the stupor that was claiming me took over me completely, I realized Emmett was the one hugging me. He said nothing, just letting me cry while my breaths became more and more erratic with each passing second. I new what was coming, I’ve had several of this moments on the last months.

“Emmett, please take her to my office, she’s having a panic attack.” I heard Carlisle’s voice in the distance even though I knew he was right besides me like before.

I barely recognized Emmett lifting me off my feet and the breeze cause by him running to Carlisle’s office before putting me down on the couch near a window. I couldn’t breathe, a fact someone realized because suddenly I felt the cold air getting in from the now open glass. I felt something cold on my head but the shadows where still clouding my eyes, trying to take me with them.

“Bella?” I heard someone call my name. “Bella? Can you hear me.” I don’t know how many times Carlisle had said my name but at some point the darkness retreated letting me calm my breathing.

“Bella…” A second voiced called from farther away, Edward’s voice.

“I think she needs some space” Carlisle told his son as he stopped him from coming further into the room. “I’ll just check her vitals and make sure she’s ok.” He closed the door before turning back to me. I knew he didn’t need to touch me to check my pulse but he did anyways out of habit.

The void was contained once again. I haven’t come here wanting to hear apologies because I knew this would happen and I was afraid of this. I had gotten good at ignoring the pain, living in a numbed state day after day and I knew it was a toxic behavior but on the ride here I still wasn’t ready to feel again. I let the tears come out again, knowing there was no going back and thinking it was better to let everything out.

Carlisle offered me a glass of water and I unconsciously took it, staring at it for a while before drinking. Some moments passed with neither of us saying a thing. He looked warily at me, letting me cry in silence.

“Why did you leave?” I asked breaking the stillness of the room. I glanced at him and saw him unsure of how to procede.

“Bella, I know we can’t undo what Edward…” He stoped for a moment before rephrasing his words, “what _we_ put you through but we trusted him, he really thought it was the best course of action. I see how wrong we all were accepting his decision without taking you voice into consideration. As you know it’s not the first time I make the mistake of ignoring a girl’s opinion in a matter that concerns them but I hope that with time you can come to forgive us all.”

“It killed me, you know, when you all left it wasn’t only my boyfriend leaving me… It was all of you, I lost all of you. You and Esme both claimed to see me as family, but apparently you didn’t say anything when Edward decided to leave me and just went with it. Even though I always knew that me being part of your family was a lie, you just don’t go around doing that to people, you don’t just change their view on reality like it’s no big deal and just rip the rug from under their feet because you realized you don’t want them around anymore! How is that _compassionate_?! I know that he is you son but how could you, Carlisle?”

“I _trusted_ you! I looked up to you! I don’t mean to be mean with Charlie and my mom because I do love them but it’s no secret my family life has never been the best. I come from a broken home where my mom broke my father’s heart cause she didn’t want to feel trapped and selfishly took me with her even when she wasn’t fit to be a mother. For the most part, I was never surrounded with healthy relationships but when I saw you and Esme I knew that that’s how it was supposed to be, two persons working together, caring for each other, and I wanted that! I wanted it so fucking bad!

“Growing up Renee treated me more like a friend than like a daughter and because she didn’t want to parent me, I took the responsibilities of the house from a very young age, then she met Phil and now it was always she and her boyfriend and it stopped being my mom and I, so I decided to move here to be with Charlie with whom I’ve never really had a great relationship to begin with; for the love of god, I don’t even call him dad, I call him Charlie! But I always saw you and Esme caring for your children, helping them and guiding them, I see the love and trust everyone in your family has for each other and I thought I could have that too, but then you left and I realized that it was ll just wishful thinking.

“After all the pain I’ve been in my life, after every hospital visit after hospital visit, I thought I knew what pain was but the moment Edward left me in the woods I realized I really didn’t, with a broken bone you can just take a pill and it’ll ease the ache but there was _nothing_ that could make me feel better so I just became _so lost_ , I didn’t know how to function again. You became my new normal so no matter who I was surrounded by, I felt lonely and out of place because what I use to know as reality was so different from what your family showed me.” A humorless laugh came out of me before I added, “No wonder my only friend turned out to be a werewolf…” By the time I stopped talking, I had no more tears left to cry so I just sobbed while I rubbed my face dry with the sleeves of my shirt before Carlisle gave me a tissue to which I nodded grateful.

“Bella…”

“Don’t.” I interrupted him. “Please don’t say anything, stop saying you are sorry.” A small laugh came out me again. “That wasn’t even what I came here for.”

“Then why did you came here?” He asked surprised and concerned.

“I think we should go back with the others.” We stood up and I followed him out of his office and into the living room where the rest of the Cullens had reunited.

“I promise I’ll kick Edward in your behalf.” Said Emmett trying to lighten the atmosphere.

“Thanks.” I said giving him a small smile, he grinned back. “So, after my breakdown a couple of moments ago, I have little time left cause I need to go back home before Charlie comes back, so I’ll just get straight to the point.

“As you know, when Edward thought I had killed myself he decided the best course of action was to go to ask the Vulturi to kill him but that obviously didn’t happen because here we are. The thing is, while we where in Volterra, they made it clear that now that I know about you, I have two options, either I become like you or I die, therefore I came here today to ask all of you to vote on whether you’d like me to join your family or not.”

“Bella, you don’t have to do this,” Edward started. “We can find another way.”

“Edward, I don’t know about you but I don’t think you make the best plans in here.” I answered him looking him in the eyes. “I would like to hear your votes” I said turning back to the rest of the family.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!” Said Alice.

“Are you saying that because you feel remorse?” I asked.

“No! I really want you as my sister and I really hope you can give a second chance, Bella.” I just nodded waiting for the rest of the votes.

“It’s obviously a yes from me too!” Said Emmett once again giving me a hug, spinning me in the air before putting me down and letting go of me.

“I say yes.” Continues Jasper smiling at me.

“Yes.” Said Esme.

“Bella, do you really want this? Even if the Vulturi weren’t a problem, do you still wish to be like us?” Asked Rosalie to which I just nodded. “Well, I don’t understand you but if you want this, then I say yes.” That took me by surprised.

“Thank you, Rosalie.” She gave me a shy smile.

“Edward.” Said Carlisle, “I think that by now it’s clear her stance on the matter and because we are talking about her mortality then I think the only voice that matters here is hers.” He then walked up to me. “Yes Bella, you are welcome in this family.”


End file.
